The Management Mythbuster

Forget Vegas - Arlington defines humid!

Spent the last two days sweating in Arlington VA,  20 degrees cooler than Vegas but the humidity's a bugger.  On Monday morning at 7.30am I foolishly walked about a quarter of a mile from the hotel to the site of the training course I was giving;  at 11am I was still sweating and my shirt was three shades darker than the designer intended - not a pretty site.  Thankfully at day's end there was an Irish pub across the street and a couple of pints of Harp slipped down in no time.

For dinner I hit the local steakhouse called Ray's the Steaks (cool name don't you think?) - in short it's brilliant - no reservations and with a decor that evokes a dilapidated warehouse with table and chairs that look like government surplus circa 1934. But the steaks are superb and come with sides of mashed potato and creamed spinach included ( a pleasant surprise from the usual a la carte at $8.99 each. If you're ever sweaty in Arlington - hit Rays.

A new twist on fast food

There I was earlier this week minding my own business as I headed north on I-71 towards Cleveland Airport. The cruise control was set to just over 70mph and Slade were singing "Merry Xmas Everybody" on the CD (the best Christmas song ever by the way). The remnants of the weekend snow storm lay piled by the side of the road when out of the corner of my left eye a large white blur appeared. As it moved rapidly past me and my eyes began to focus it became clear that this fast moving machine was in fact a white van emblazoned with the policeman's favorite logo - Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

Nothing particualrly special about that you may think - a white van travelling around 80 mph. You would be right except for the sign affixed to the rear door of the van which in big bold letters carried the following message"

"Caution: This vehicle has a top speed of 62 mph" Now I know Krispy Kreme has had a few financial problems some of which related to false accounting I believe but this was mis-representation of the highest order. My only conclusion was that the Cleveland PD had placed an emergency order and KK were doing their best to keep one of their best customers happy...

Beer Wars

I frequently rant about beer or more specifically the lack of it in America. The term American Beer is one of the world's great oxymorons. I even tell a not very good beer joke during my speeches:

"The CEO's of Anheuser-Busch, MIller and Guinness meet for a drink at an industry conference. The Anheuser-Busch CEO orders a Bud, the Miller CEO orders a Miller Lite and the Guinness CEO orders a Coke. The other two look at him incredulously and ask, "Why aren't you supporting your company's products?" To which the Guinness CEO replies, "Well I saw that you both ordered a soft drink and thought I had better do the same!"

I know its pretty bad but it usually gets a laugh - it must be the way I tell them!

Anyway, this week Miller and Molson-Coors announced their intention to merge their U.S. operations - yet another attempt to prove that two wrongs can make a right! The Wall Street Journal commentary on the deal sought the opinion of one, Don Russell, a former Beer Writer of the Year (quite an accolade don't you think?) and fellow blog writer under the moniker "Joe Sixpack". One of the questions they asked him was, "From a beer drinkers perspective which beer (Miller Lite or Coors Lite) tastes better?"

Russell responded, "They may as well be the same beer. There's not a whole lot of difference there. The big industrial lagers are more about image than the flavor of the beer. You can say that about most of Anheuser-Busch's products. It comes down to the way they're marketed than the way they taste."

Yes! Vindication at last - it's all form over substance. Now where are those can's of Boddingtons?

Gordon Ramsey - hype or substance?

This summer Gordon Ramsey has become a celebrity chef in the U.S. right up there with Emeril and Wolfgang Puck. Ramsey's show "Hells Kitchen" on Fox has been a summer hit. For those BBC America officiandos, you have known Ramsey for sometime as the arrogant, rude, and Scottish (at least two of those adjectives are redundant) star of a number of cooking, restaurant and reality shows. In ten years Ramsey has gone from wannabee to superstar but can he cook?

I am no gourmand but the answer is surely yes as a plethora of Michelin stars testify but has his star status reduced him to the ranks of the always mediocre Wolfgang Puck chain "now in an airport near you" which is akin to McDonalds for people with Amex cards?

I first experienced the Ramsey brand at the Boxwood Cafe in London about three years ago and the experience was good not great as was the food - a passing grade at best. Tonight I went a little more pricey with a visit to Gordon Ramsey at the Conrad Hotel in Tokyo (someone else was paying!). This French restaurant in an elegant hotel in the heart of Tokyo offers a fascinating culteral clash of East and West. Petite Japanese waitresses present the food in style and with a very cute smile while a mostly European staff does the cooking - and it works. My meal of chicken confit was accompanied by unknown (to my humble palate) but very appropriate flavors and the filet with madeira sauce was superb. Again the flavors were plentiful without being overpowering; a satisfying although expensive (20,000 Yen and I don't care about exchange rates, 20,000 of anything is expensive!) experience. So far Ramsey is keeping it real - lets hope if stays that way and we don't see the cooking version of the Apprentice where the winner gets to screw up under the Ramsey name.

Despite him being Scottish and rude, Ramsey appeals - his watch word of fresh ingredients cooked simply makes sense and I hope it survives the fame and adulation - it just might given he's a real Scots bastard...

A Restaurant To Die For!

The Heart Attack Grill in Tempe, Arizona sounds like a male heaven - literally.  This new theme restaurant's menu includes such artery clogging delights as the Quadruple Bypass Burger accompanied by Flatline Fries!  As if that wasn't enough the food is served by waitresses in naughty nurse uniforms - skimpy, cleavage baring outfits accompanied by those two essentials of male fantasy - stockings and heels.  Sounds like Hooters on steroids or should that be Lipitor?

Of course this is about as politically incorrect as you can get in these sensitive times and numerous groups are protesting.  At some point you need a sense of humour and a dash of perspective after all Madonna, Brittany, Jessica, Paris are not just rich and famous for their singing talent, actually in Paris's case no one is quite sure why she is famous; nor for that matter are Brad, Orlando, George and Johnny just good actors. 

For the average male (and we are a very average lot on the whole) this sounds like heaven on earth and may actually speed us along on our journey!  The best quote comes from the owner who comments that "Essentially it's (the Heart Attack Grill) is nutritional pornography.  It's so bad for you it's shocking." Now if only Maureen Dowd were to get a job there...

So when does the next flight leave for Phoenix?

The real Diet Coke!

Coca-Cola made a big splash in the press late last week with its announcement of a new drink called Enviga (what the heck does that mean?). Apparently consumption of Enviga burns calories.  Consuming three cans a day can burn up 60-100 calories -  sounds impressive doesn't it. However, don't get too excited - you would need to consume 7.3 cans of Enviga to lose the calories gained by consuming just one can of regular Coke.  This got me to thinking about other breakthrough products that could revolutionize certain markets. Think of the possibilities:

- Philip Morris launches a cigarette that provides a quick shot of chemotherapy as a preventive measure against the inevitable lung cancer that is sure to follow;

- Krispy Kreme adds a new doughnut to its menu - consume just seven a day and in a month you will have met your yearly goal for sugar consumption so you can cut  sugar from your diet;

- Anheuser Busch launches a beer that is so gassy you become bloated before you become drunk thereby reducing the incidence of drunk driving (oops - they already did that, its called Bud Light!);

Back to Enviga - pondering the name further I think I get it.  Coke's aim is to get you to consume multiple Envigas and there in lies the secret.  The plural breaks down into two neat syllables.  The first "Envi" is clearly derived from environmental and refers to the cleansing effects of Enviga on the system and offers the allusion that anything named Envi must be good for you. The second syllable "gas" provides the secret to the formula.  Enviga makes you very gassy and you then expel calories through increased flatulence.  Hey - wait a minute isn't that what Bud Light does? I sense a conspiracy...

American Beer - An Oxymoron?

After fifteen years in America I can categorically state that American beer is an oxymoron.

Any alcoholic beverage that makes you bloated before drunk has to be suspect and most American beers contribute more to flatulence than inebriation. 

I made the mistake of making these thoughts public during a speech I gave in Las Vegas recently only to find that six Anheuser Busch executives were sitting in the audience! I survived - barely.  A little later another delegate at the conference came up to me a agreed with my sentiments, and he was an American.  He went on to share a joke with me that I vow to use in future speeches and will share with you.

"The CEO's of Anheuser Busch, Miller and Guinness head down to the bar at a brewing industry conference. The Anheuser Busch and Miller CEO's order a Bud and and a Miller Lite respectively. The Guinness CEO orders a Diet Coke. The other two look at him askance and exclaim, "How can you not support your own company's products?"

The Guinness CEO replies, "Well I saw that both of you ordered soft drinks and thought that I'd better do the same."

Must be time for a pint...