The Management Mythbuster

196 More Days to Go

Having teenagers can be challenging - but sometimes its fun so here's a guest post from my darling Eleanor...

So... I started school on Tuesday 19th.  And besides the fact that that meant having to cram to finish my summer homework, getting up at 6:15am (compared to my summer average of 10:00am), having to put on the dress code (instead of whatever I wanted), getting a lot of homework (on the first day alone), and having to pretend that I was happy to see people that early in the morning, it was OK.

I started my day off by running up four flights of stairs to reach Algebra II, where I realize I'm not cut out to do math so early in the morning and therefore I'm screwed when exam time rolls around.  This is followed by hurrying down four flights of stairs to English 10, for which I had crammed to finish my summer reading and recently had the most absurd test ever.  After that I go up four flights of stairs, after running across the school, to Chemistry, which I'm actually looking forward to, my teacher rocks.

After that it's down four flights of stairs and across the school again to European History, my teacher is really nice, but all he does is lecture, resulting in me wondering how in the world I'll manage to pass the AP exam.  Now, after cramming a peanut butter cracker in my mouth, I go up two flights of stairs to French III, which is a really easy class, (I'm actually good at French), but it is also the class that I am dying of low blood sugar in.  After that, it's down two flights of stairs to lunch, finally, 8th period lunch (there's ten periods), after standing in line for a whole ten minutes and having my finger scanned I sit down with only fifteen minutes to eat; after cramming my food into my mouth, I go to the restroom, which results in standing in a line (like always).

Once again, I run up four flights of stairs to arrive at religion (Hebrew Scriptures), my teacher reminds my of a puppy dog, hyper and loud.  Now, I once again go down four flights of stairs to study hall, me and 108 other people, yeah, 108 high school students in the cafeteria, let me tell you, it's HOT.  Now, after stopping at my locker, I go up one flight of stairs, out the door, and on to the bus, hoping that my friends make the bus (their lockers are literally on the other side of the world, well school).

You are probably wondering how my school is laid out, and trust me, every single student is wondering why it's set up in the strangest way you could possibly think of.

So after a morning of my five hardest classes in a row (three honors, one AP, followed by another honors, the last two are double periods), dying of low blood sugar caused by having lunch 8th period, and boiling to death in study hall, I sit on the bus, parched, tired out of my mind, and with a pounding headache, I survived one day of school... times this by four and I've survived my first week...just 196 more days to go.

Stuff my kids don't get

Being the father of two teenagers is a challenge - my IQ appears to have diminished by around half since they both became, at least in their own minds, my superior in every way. I am only good for two things -- financing and transportation and it won't be long before the second of those disappears. The language barrier is immense - what does duh mean anyway? I got to thinking about all the things that my kids simply don't or can't relate to - beyond me that is.

Of course the LP and the 45 are historic relics to them but then so is dial up internet access and the video cassette. Milkmen and milk bottles are alien concepts along with getting news from a newspaper, winding down a car window, choosing from two or three television channels, respecting politicians, tuning a radio rather than using the seek button, shopping at a butcher, grocer or fishmonger, dialing a number on the phone or using a pay phone or fax machine, gas at less than a dollar a gallon, and space travel being exciting.

All too soon they will deal with their own version of the aging process as they mourn the passing of the PC, DVD, petrol engine, signature, door key, General Motors, Google, the polar ice cap and probably about forty-two nations around the world. I hope they feel empathy with their boring old Dad...

Happy Christmas

Today is Christmas!!!!! or just the 25th of December if you are not Christian. But anyway, it doesn't matter, no one is reading this today anyway. So yesterday I posted HI, my daddy said that I shouldn't have done that because the blog is a business uhhh...something. So, in case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm not David Axson, but I am his wonderful, amazing, cool, fun, smart duaghter, Eleanor, and I really am smart because I figured out the password to this blog thing.

Merry Christmas or Happy December 25th (you can choose which one you want to read)

Eleanor

Family values

Apparently the hot new trend for the affluent is to develop family mission statements defining what the family unit stands for (from Saturday's Wall Street Journal). Taking the lead form the corporate world affluent execs are bringing their work home with them as they seek to ensure the survival of the family unit. One family describes its mission as, "We want our capital to allow our children and their children to be able to find their passion and pursue it with excellence."

Very laudable don't you think. I can just imagine the "offsite meetings" " visioning sessions" and "team building exercises" that the family participates in. No doubt each member has a scorecard and a personal coach to help them "live the values". And I am sure that the CEO, sorry Dad, has provided each family member with a handy laminated card bearing the mission just in case they are ever in doubt as to their true purpose.

Of course as a result of this "benchmarking" I now find that my family is deficient in this area which is embarrassing given that part of my real job involves much of this corporate mumbo-jumbo. So over the weekend I started to sketch out a few draft mission statements in preparation for our next family offsite meeting (scheduled for Disney World in early November).

I will offer the following "straw-men"

1. We want the Axson family to stand for excellence, integrity and compassion except when queueing for Space Mountain when we shall employ all manner of underhand tactics to secure a leading position."

2. Our capital shall grow unaided by hard work or graft to such a degree that Mum and Dad can spend endless hours sipping cocktails by assorted pools on numerous tropical islands.

3. We resolve to work for the benefit of each other except when one or other family member is being a complete jack-ass and then its everyone for themselves.

Armed with such cogent and pithy missions, the Axson Family is sure to secure its place in the pantheon of disfunctionality late into the 21st century!

Kung Fu Fighting?

On Saturday I watched my 12 year old son and 13 year old daughter smash one inch concrete slabs with their bare hands! Pretty scary, particularly as they also reduced a number of one inch thick wooden boards to matchsticks with assorted punches, kicks and chops. The reason for this mass destruction of assorted building materials was their test to become black belts at Tae Kwan Do a Korean martial art they have been studying for a few years. Of course their attainment of "warrior" status has profound implications for household discipline; if they so choose they could reduce their dear old Dad to mincemeat through a potent combination of a Sooki #6 followed by a swift Corio and capped off with a spinning wheelkick. From now on discipline will have to be invoked by other means - probably blackmail and bribery.

Still there are compensations from having a couple of martial arts experts in the house. First, my daughter should have no problem fending off the unwelcome attention of boys (I keep reminding her that their attention is always unwelcome but she just rolls her eyes and exclaims "Daaaaad"), my son can also deal with those spineless bullies who like to pick on those smaller than themselves, he is currently about 70 pounds dripping wet, but you do not want to be in the way of his flying sidekick. I can also see possibilities for deploying my two lethal weapons in strategic situations such as supermarket check out lines, airport security lines and queues for a beer at the ball park where their skills will allow them to improve the families collective standing in society at the expense of the less well trained. I just hope I can stay on their good side and that they remember that the real value of being an elite martial artist is the ability to be a Peacemaker and therefore never actually have to use their skills in anger - sort of a bit like the nuclear deterrent during the Cold War!

Anyway I will now seek to be a kind, caring and completely compliant father as a matter of self-preservation...after all discpline the mother's job isn't it?

Don't they grow up fast?

My children are 12 and 13; this morning - Christmas morning - Mum and Dad were awake at least an hour and half before either of them - and no it wasn't our excitement at the prospect of opening our presents!  Eventually around 9.30 they ventured downstairs and curled up on the sofa for another 30 minutes rest - ignoring the pile of presents stacked under the tree. 

Finally they made a move and went through the motions.  And what presents do you think they delighted in most?  The new video games, PS3, Tickle Me Elmos and iPods - no! Simple $20 bills of which they received quite a few were the big hit.  The rest of the morning was spent counting up their "take" and checking their bank statements to work out their current "net worth".  My daughter even asked me to exchange her gift cards for cash so she could increase her bank balance.  Not sure what this says about them or their parents but its seems only yesterday that 2am knocks on the door and quiet shouts of "he's been" were the order of the day.  I suppose next year they will be checking the prices of their mutual fund holdings and discussing which gains and losses to take in order to optimize their tax position!

As all parents say - they grow up so quickly these days.  I don't mind too much as they both seem to be "savers" which is a good thing and I get a nice lie in on Christmas morning...