The Management Mythbuster

Berlin - 32 years on

In August 1977 I passed through Checkpoint Charlie from West to East Berlin.  Yesterday I did it again and it was a little smoother.  No wall, no Stasi, no guns. Then the wall was pervasive now only a little bit is left.  I leaned against it but it didn't give way. Here's the proof...

 

Take your daughter to work week

Having a great time this week.  My daughter, Eleanor, flew into join me in Frankfurt on Sunday.  We toured the Rhine, rode a ferry and just hung out.  Monday we took full use of the autobahn's cruising at 160 kph to Luxumbourg and Belgium.  Belgium was closed apparently as no shops were open. Tuesday was Cologne, Berlin and Prague. This afternoon we explore Prague and tomorrow she turns 16 so it is quite a birthday.

A note to her teachers: at present she is studying hard in our hotel room as I prepare to give a speech - not in Czech I hope!

Here we are on the Rhine ferry.

 

Cruising Croatian style

I like Zagreb!  Best of all I got to stay in probably the best hotel in town, the excellent Regent Esplanade - a real throwback to the grand railway hotels of Europe - it is right next to the railway station. Remember the train ride in Bond's From Russia With Love?  Well it was filmed outside my hotel room!

But unlike almost any other five-star hotel in the world, the Regent has FREE unlimited, wireless Internet throughout the property.  In my humble opinion that makes Croatia one of the most advanced nations in the world.  Further adding to its luster; on my two hour stroll around this small city this morning I encountered not a single McDonald's or Starbucks! Long may it stay that way. The closest I got to American cultural imperialism was the donut stand at the railway station - see below. But even that did not look much like a Krispy Kreme outlet.  I urge Croatians everywhere to resist the commercial tide but please do one thing for me - ban smoking in hotels and bars.  Despite years of second hand smoking in smoky English pubs I am a big clean air fan!

Contents maybe very hot...

So says the type on most cups of coffee.  We live in a society where if you don't state the obvious you get sued so the absurd tends to take over.  Look at the sign below which provides some really useful advice to people wishing to enter Green Park in London.

I fully expect our leaders to offer us further sage counsel with the following:

- on toilet stall doors - Do Not Enter While Occupied
- on the Golden Gate Bridge - Jumping May Prove Fatal
- on a chain saw - Warning: Sharp Blades Can Cut

and of course,

- on mortgage application forms - You Are Expected To Tell The Truth About Your Income And Repay This Loan

OK, maybe that's too much to hope for...

Another Iranian technological breakthrough!

Forget Iran's nuclear ambitions, I can exclusively reveal that Iran has been secretly developing its own supersonic airliner!  My sleuthing came to a fruition this morning while walking down Piccadilly in London.  How the world has missed this startling development is a mystery to me, after all, the evidence is on plain show in the window of Iranian Airlines.  I offer the following in evidence:

So know you can wing your way to Tehran at Mach 2.  I bet you can't wait.

Axson World Tour Kicks Off -- The Scot on LOT

Greetings from Warsaw.  My 75 day, 29 country "world tour" kicks off today.  It's 3am in Warsaw and due to the wonders of jet lag I am wide awake. In a little over six hours I will take the stage and rock the Poles with my insights on building budgets, developing forecasts and surviving a dire economy. Forget Michael Jackson's comeback, this is the tour everyone should be talking about! After all I'm relevant to today not living off my 80's glories - not that I had many in that dodgy decade.

Yesterday afternoon, en route to Warsaw, I boarded my first flight on LOT the Polish national airline - nice new plane, attractive flight attendants and, well the food was a little dodgy, but you cant have everything.  However LOT did provide me with a unique experience.  As usual the safety briefings were played out before takeoff, first in Polish: "place your tray tables and seat backs in the upright and locked position before take-off and landing" sounds quite different in Polish - at least I think that's what they said.  After the Polish version we had the English version played on tape and I kid you not the guy doing the voice-over had a distinct Scottish accent.  At first I thought the red-eye had affected my hearing, but no, there was that distinct lilt of an Edinburgh accent.  I love it - instead of some plummy, BBC accent, LOT goes regional. 

Well time to try and catch a few winks so my moonwalks hit the mark in the morning...

Next stop - Zagreb...

Now that's a bargain - The Masters for $47K!

The economy must be bad, I just received an email offering me the deal of a lifetime.  The breathless missive informed me that a 4 bedroom home with 4 daily badges for every day of this year's Master's golf tournament could be mine for the knockdown price of $47,500 reduced from $66,000! Can you believe it? Watch 72 holes of golf for only $659 per hole! 

I must ring my borker and have him sell all my Citicgroup shares, then I may be able to afford one of those cheese and pimento sandwiches they sell at Augusta.  Now i wonder who was oringially going to take the house?  Bank of America? AIG?

I feel sorry for the post officel but not too sorry!

Postal services all over the world have my sympathy. First of all, they are run by the government although  on second thoughts, isn't everything nowadays (Marx, Karl not Groucho, must be smiling from that place that dead communists go to); and second they have to put up with us complaining all the time - no wonder "going postal" doesn't mean buying a first class stamp.   

However, my sympathy is tempered by problems of their own making.  What do you make of FedEx and UPS generating $88 billion of revenue combined by charging 10-15 times more than the postal service to do the same job?  And second why do they make things so damn complicated?  I wander into the post office wanting to post a letter and the questions come at me think and fast: Do I want priority mail, delivery confirmation, insurance, signature receipt, a tracking number, or some extra stamps?  Sorry I just want my letter to get to Granny in less than a month - thank you.

It's not just me, my darling wife attended a two-hour training course on the art of bulk mailing this morning as part of her work for a local non-profit.  I was bewildered as to how it could take two hours to teach someone how to send lots of letters at the same time but according to Donna, two hours was not nearly enough.  Apparently the bulk mailing process is akin to applying for U.S. citizenship (a process I know well!). There are rules and regulations for every aspect of the process and numerous permits and licenses that must be obtained. Once you are legally approved to practice bulk mail, you then have to do 90 percent of the work yourself such as sorting the mail by post code.  In my naivety I thought they had really cool machines to sort mail but I guess there is no substitute for the human touch. After listening to her tale of confusion,  I recommended she just send spam to everyone instead. 

I thought the car industry was dead

I bought a car yesterday - how's that for my own personal stimulus package?  I thought it would be nice and quiet as I would surely be the only person in America buying a car - but I was wrong.  The dealership was heaving and it wasn't even raining outside.  People were not just looking they were buying.  Families, young couples, retirees they were all doing their bit. 

Of  course I didn't get a great deal - I never do. I knew I'd screwed it up when they agreed to my "offer" without any attempt to squeeze a few more dollars out of me.  I think I must have the letters "MUG" stenciled on my forehead.  It's funny how you never here anyone boasting that they got screwed when they bought a car.  People are always telling me what a great deal they got and how they are such a clever negotiator.  Men in particular love to boast about their car-buying skills.  I suspect they do this because they cannot boast about their sexual prowess when happily married with kids.  Well I have no skills - in the car buying department that is. I always pay too much. I rationalise this by comforting myself that its good for the economy.

Of course, I was not in American car dealership but then again you'd already worked that out hadn't you?