Many things change upon becoming
a parent but one that I had not really anticipated was the impact on the simple
act of going out. Be it a simple
shopping trip or more ambitious adventures―spontaneity dies to be replaced by
detailed planning and logistics. Before kids, Donna and I had
worked out an almost perfect routine for mobilising for trips. No time was
wasted; decisions were made instantly and executed within seconds; the need for
discussion was minimal. An almost telepathic understanding developed which
allowed us to effortlessly prepare for any journey with the minimum of fuss.
So much for life BC (before children), suddenly
no more, "Why don't we go to the shops?" or "Let’s go for a
walk" or even more outrageously “Let’s go away for the weekend.” In our
new role as parents, outings are planned like military campaigns, only there
are more variables to consider. A series of pre-scripted tasks have to be
completed in order to make a successful exit. Like a pilot before take-off, the
pre-trip checklist is comprehensive and any little mistake can result in
disaster. The sequence goes something like this.
T-1 day: Identify
candidate locations for trip and arrange any advance logistics such as food and
special clothes.
T-3 hours: Ensure
baby is properly laundered.
T-2 hours Check
weather forecast and adjust baby's clothing/cancel trip/revert to backup
location, as appropriate
T-1 hour: Feed baby
to ensure maximum mileage before next refueling; start to assemble base
materials such as games, toys, spare clothes, etc.
T-30 minutes: Find
baby, who has crawled off, thrown up and hidden car keys.
T-20 minutes: Change
nappy (diaper), put shoes on, load car with supplies.
T-10 minutes: Get
oneself ready.
T-9 minutes: Find
baby again, change nappy again, optional change of clothes as clouds roll
in/baby throws up again, etc.
T-5 minutes: Load
baby into car and prepare emergency supply kit - nappies, water, biscuits etc.
T- time: (no this
isn't a golf game though I wish it were) Leave house.
T +30 secs: Return
to house to collect favourite toy left on floor without which baby will scream
continuously for duration of the trip.
T +2 minutes: Depart
Note:
For overseas travel or plane trips move all tasks back 8 hours and add an
additional four hours for each extra child.
Good luck!
This is yet another extract from Half The
World Away - simply the most hilarious book ever written by me. Buy
your personally signed copy at www.sonaxbooks.com. All profits are being donated to Kiva.org.