The Management Mythbuster

Spinning the Tiger story

I used to respect Tiger as both a person and a golfer. I always thought he handled himself really well, now he has been found out in our celebrity obsessed world and my respect will now be restricted to his undoubted golfing talents.  He was stupid - although I do wonder what the impact would have been on JFK's reputation if he had suffered the same obsessive and intrusive scrutiny back in the early-1960s. Its already been expensive as Accenture decided that Tiger's new found reputation for high performance was not quite what they had in mind for "Performance Delivered" tagline.

Perhaps the ultimate comment on our times is the statement from Tiger's manager regarding the status of his vast sponsorship deals.  It is spin of the highest order, the White House would be proud, and says precisely nothing:

"Suffice it to say, we have had thoughtful conversations and his sponsors have been open to a solution-oriented dialogue. Of course, each sponsor has unique considerations and ultimately the decisions they make we would fully understand and accept."

Solution-oriented dialogue? What the hell is that.  I guess its probably code for Tiger keeping his pants on in future...

The patented Axson approach to traveling with small kids

Many things change upon becoming a parent but one that I had not really anticipated was the impact on the simple act of going out.  Be it a simple shopping trip or more ambitious adventures―spontaneity dies to be replaced by detailed planning and logistics. Before kids, Donna and I had worked out an almost perfect routine for mobilising for trips. No time was wasted; decisions were made instantly and executed within seconds; the need for discussion was minimal. An almost telepathic understanding developed which allowed us to effortlessly prepare for any journey with the minimum of fuss.

    So much for life BC (before children), suddenly no more, "Why don't we go to the shops?" or "Let’s go for a walk" or even more outrageously “Let’s go away for the weekend.” In our new role as parents, outings are planned like military campaigns, only there are more variables to consider. A series of pre-scripted tasks have to be completed in order to make a successful exit. Like a pilot before take-off, the pre-trip checklist is comprehensive and any little mistake can result in disaster. The sequence goes something like this.

T-1 day: Identify candidate locations for trip and arrange any advance logistics such as food and special clothes.

T-3 hours: Ensure baby is properly laundered.

T-2 hours Check weather forecast and adjust baby's clothing/cancel trip/revert to backup location, as appropriate

T-1 hour: Feed baby to ensure maximum mileage before next refueling; start to assemble base materials such as games, toys, spare clothes, etc.

T-30 minutes: Find baby, who has crawled off, thrown up and hidden car keys.

T-20 minutes: Change nappy (diaper), put shoes on, load car with supplies.

T-10 minutes: Get oneself ready.

T-9 minutes: Find baby again, change nappy again, optional change of clothes as clouds roll in/baby throws up again, etc.

T-5 minutes: Load baby into car and prepare emergency supply kit - nappies, water, biscuits etc.

T- time: (no this isn't a golf game though I wish it were) Leave house.

T +30 secs: Return to house to collect favourite toy left on floor without which baby will scream continuously for duration of the trip.

T +2 minutes: Depart

Note: For overseas travel or plane trips move all tasks back 8 hours and add an additional four hours for each extra child.

Good luck!

This is yet another extract from Half The World Away - simply the most hilarious book ever written by me. Buy your personally signed copy at www.sonaxbooks.com.  All profits are being donated to Kiva.org.

America - the good and the just plain annoying

Th  There are many things Americans take for granted which we humble immigrants marvel at. Here is my own top 10 list of great American conveniences:

1.      Automatic garage door openers―essential in winter and a real enhancement to the quality of life

2.      Drive through everything including McDonald’s, beer stores, banks, dry cleaners and funeral homes.

3.      Air conditioning in cars and houses as standard

4.      Waste disposal units in the kitchen

5.      At least two bathrooms in every house.

6.      Consistent high water pressure for showers

7.      Restaurants that let you (even actively encourage you) to take your children

8.    Having your groceries put in bags for you at the checkout counter in the supermarket and, if you want, carried to your car

9.    Valet parking

10. Electric golf carts at every course

Of course, for every convenience there has to be an annoyance! So here goes:

1. The price on the sticker is not price you pay because of sales tax;

2 .Having to switch petrol pumps on with a lever;

3. Endless adverts that increase in frequency and volume as the film nears its conclusion

4. The absence of footpaths (sidewalks) on almost all roads

5. The Electoral College

6. Cruise control, especially when the person in front of you is traveling 0.1 m.p.h. faster than the vehicle they are overtaking resulting in a simple passing maneuver taking five minutes

7. The concept of iced tea

8. Paris Hilton, Donald Trump, The World Series of Poker

9. Two-year-long election campaigns

10. No BBC, no pubs, no Daily Telegraph

This is an edited extract from Half The World Away - simply the most hilarious book ever written by me. Buy your personally signed copy at www.sonaxbooks.com.  All profits are being donated to Kiva.org.

Retail woes - the decline and fall of Target and others

You would think a recession would make retailers up their game in an attempt to lure and retain scarce consumer dollars but no - many are just going with the pile it high, sell it cheap and forget about service.  Well, I've got news for you - price isn't everything especially when you are still not the cheapest just the tackiest!  Target is no longer even trying to live up to the faux pronunciation of Ta-r-jai.  Nothing upmarket about our local store - many partially empty shelves (I know inventories are supposed to be lean, but if you don't have it, I can't buy it), merchandise scattered in the aisles, less choice than WalMart and the stores frankly looked very tired.  If their strategy is to copy WalMart - that's a losing proposition folks. Old Navy looked like a bomb had gone off on the floor while Macy's seemed stuck with trying to make me buy very expensive perfume that my wife will not like. Now I am not a great shopper at the best of times but there always used to be Best Buy and Barnes & Noble which offered me sanctuary.

So what about gadget central - Best Buy?  A little better than the rest but beyond Call of Duty 2 and more flat screen TV's than the local sports bar there's not much to excite - I mean how many blue-tooth headsets and indestructible iPhone covers do you need?

Barnes & Noble has been a favorite haunt for years but somehow Sarah Pailn and Glen Beck are not drawing me in.  Courtesy of a coupon I did venture online to bn.com but after five attempts it still would not accept the coupon code so I hopped over to Amazon and was done in seconds - also bought a cool Flip camcorder - $60 off and a copy of Slumdog Millionaire and The Lost Symbol ($15 for the pair) for the missus! You see my wallet does open for the right deal and great service.

For me this year it will be clicks over bricks yet again. 

Wisdom from Johnny Rotten!

I was sixteen years old when the Sex Pistols burst onto the scene - anarchy was their thing, or so they claimed. But in reality they stood for something very different - they were simply bored teenagers who wanted to shout and scream.  However the right wing co-opted their message as some neo-fascist, skinhead anthem and boy did they get it wrong.  Since '77 Britain has become a much more multi-racial society and stirrings of racism regularly rise to the surface, with the British National Party(BNP) trying to offer an acceptable view of intolerance - well I don't buy it. 

In my experience, acceptance only stems from understanding so we need to embrace a free and mobile world not erect false barriers. It will not be without challenges but it is the only civilized thing to do.  So back to Johnny Rotten (or Lydon as he goes by these days), in a recent interview he succinctly summed up the naivete of the anti-immigrant BNP:

“If ever anybody got the Sex Pistols wrong, it was that lot. Britain’s an island, it’s always had a constant ebb and flow of immigration, it makes it a better place. And there’s not a BNP hooligan in existence that can do without his curry on a Saturday night, right? There’s no brain challenge with these morons.”

Forget Pretty Vacant, that's Something Else!

Watch out - the French maybe right!

Sorry to be a grump as Thanksgiving Week starts but the incessant rise of the stock market is still defying reality.  Now normally I have little time for French economic insight - after all its normally an oxymoron, but a report published by French Bank, Societe Generale caught my attention on Sunday as I watched the Cleveland Browns reach new heights in their attempts to lose games in truly unique ways. 

SG has published a doomsday scenario (http://tinyurl.com/ybs4qhl) advising its clients to prepare for the worst - a global economic collapse in the next two years - driven by high government debt levels, a collapsing dollar and anemic consumer spending.  While their worst-case scenario is not their most likely scenario which focuses on slow growth, it is very plausible and should give us all cause to pause in our planning for 2010 and beyond. We want to believe things will get better but what if they don't?  Remember it took a war to end the Depression and Japan is still waiting to recover from its lost decade.

Economic schizophrenia? Or am I just paranoid?

Are you confused yet?  The stock market seems to be saying that things are getting better - do you feel it?  I know unemployment is supposed to be a lagging indicator but the numbers are still bleak.  There will be some growth from stimulus spending (by the way when is the real spending going to start? Only $150bn of the $787bn has been spent so far) never mind most of the jobs are not sustainable anyway, the consumer is not spending - after all 10 percent don't have jobs, cars are not moving off the lots without clash for clunkers and corporate profits have only grown through cost cuts - not much top line growth, and there are lots of "For Sale" signs here in Ohio and not many "Sold" signs.

Maybe Wall Street bankers will single-handedly jump start a consumer spending revival with their record bonuses? And then this morning the ultimate mixed signal, on page A3 of the Wall Street Journal is a story headlined "Hunger Threatens More Households." On the same page are four adverts, one for Tiffany offering a diamond pendant for $10,825, one for fractional jet ownership - I guess its cheaper than buying the whole jet, one for Versace, and one for a Jaguar you can lease for just $599 a month!

Go figure...

U.S. auto industry - is there another sector that has got it so spectularly wrong?

Tax payers now own two-thirds of the U.S. auto industry and are likely to do so for some time to come - so what have we got for our money?  The  good news is the three big companies (Ford is the supposed star but has little to boast about really) are consistent performers; unfortunately its been consistently awful.  Look at the U.S. market share numbers for the large autos:

GM  -  1999:  29.6%; 2008: 22.3%

Ford - 1999:  24.2%; 2008: 15%  (and they are supposed to be the star!)

Chrysler - 1999: 15.6%; 2008: 11%

Toyota - 1999: 8.8%; 2008: 16.8%

Honda - 1999: 6.4% 2008: 10.8%

Not only have they lost share but combined revenues of the big three are down from $407 billion to $342 billion.  GM takes the top prize and it was interesting to read former auto-czar Steve Ratner describe GM's once vaunted finance function in Fortune magazine this way:

"Everyone knew Detroit's reputation for insular, slow-moving cultures. Even by that low standard, I was shocked by the stunningly poor management that we found, particularly at GM, where we encountered, among other things, perhaps the weakest finance operation any of us had ever seen in a major company."

Both former-CEO Rick Wagoner and current-CEO Fritz Henderson are graduates of GM Finance - inspires one with confidence doesn't it.  

How sad that this should happen to an industry that largely defined America's rise to become the world's richest nation.

Customer service - why is it usually form over substance?

Customer service has become an all consuming mantra.  Any self respecting organization must emphasize its focus (often using adjectives like insane, passionate and dedicated) on customers, yet the reality is that most customer service is superficial. It consists of mechanical actions that lack genuine commitment and which are rarely backed by any authority to actually do something meaningful. Consider the following examples:       

1 "Can I help you sir?"  This is not bad in of itself but all too often I am asked this questions five times within three minutes of entering a store.  First, I am quite capable of asking for help if I need it so please just leave me alone. And second, if I do ask for your help, don't tell me that "Everything we have is on display" or "I'm sorry that's not my department."  Even worse is when the answer is "I don't know."  I received a call this morning from Bank of America who are theoretically handling my mortgage refinancing.  I have got this call every week for the past eleven weeks and every week it goes like this: a very polite person inquires if they can help me in anyway; I ask, "Can you tell me when the process will be complete?" they say, "I don't know sir, but I am sure it won't be long." Well thanks a bloody lot!

2. "Did you find everything you need?"  This is a retail favorite and most of the time I robotically answer with a dismissive "Yes." However once in a while I answer, "No." Typically this produces a reaction ranging from shock to bewilderment accompanied by absolutely no idea as to what to say next. If you can't do anything about it - don't ask.

3. "Excuse me sir"  This is usually uttered by the check-in clerk at a hotel.  I am standing in front of them trying to get my room key when the phone rings.  Suddenly I become invisible and the "answer every call on or before the second ring" mantra kicks in.  I then stand patiently as some idiot on the 8th floor asks for detailed reviews of fifteen local steak houses.

4. "How was your meal?" I don't mind getting this question once, but four times in eight minutes is bit much, particularly when it interrupts a conversation.  Why can't restaurant managers get it in their thick heads that when I am talking to my wife, children or a business associate it is not alright to interrupt?

If you want to serve me - just deliver what is promised and get the hell out of my way -  so there!

English bigger than Mandarin

According to latest estimates there are now 1.6 billion people who can speak English either as their first or second language (more than double the number of just ten years ago). By comparison, Mandarin is at around a billion.  There are now more people who can speak English in China than there are in the U.S and more in India than in U.S. and U.K. combined.

I believe the numbers, in my travels to over 30 countries this year, English has been everywhere.  Only a few countries (Japan, Korea, Brazil, Russia, Ukraine, Colombia and Chile) offered simultaneous translation of my speeches and nowhere were more than a third of the audience using it.  In Thailand 400 people came and no translation was offered. Twenty years ago on my first visit I was accompanied by a translator to every meeting.

It is estimated that more than 2 billion people are learning English worldwide meaning  that in ten years time it is likely that more than half the world's population will struggling to comprehend why "i" comes before "e" except after "c'" (except of course for words like foreign, species, seize, weird - oh never mind).

We Brits may have lost our empire but our language rules!